Friendship

I've felt alone and emotionally abandoned at times, even though I was surrounded by people and friends. I realize now, it had nothing to do with people leaving me, I opted out, for fear of rejection.  I've never been at a loss for for friends, but as the years progress, I take stock of the amazing people in my life and I am grateful.  This weekend I think about two of my girl friends from the Fox Cities-- Amy and Candi. Both have dealt with abandonment on various levels in their lives. They are strong. And I think about how they never left me, even though I wanted to leave them. They taught me how to dig in and get real. Sometimes I hated them challenging me, holding me accountable. I am truly grateful for the gift of friendship. I know through experience that if I have a need, I have "3 A.M. friends" I can call, and they'd come. If my friends call me, I'll be there for them. No matter what. I pray I never take my friendships for granted.

I wrote the following journal entry on November 7 of last year.
I sit watching Candi's candle burn (She gave it to me during a girls' retreat the weekend before).  She is a bright light for you, God. Flickering and glowing with Christ in her life. She is so much like this candle- hot, bright, dangerous for you Lord.  A flame though it starts a wild fire-- think Christmas giving, Romania-- is also fragile. Your oxygen is needed to keep it burning. Lord my prayer is that you keep her light burning. She is beautiful, strong, and courageous. Help us to be oxygen for her. I pray you are with her, that you can give us the love, words, and heart to love her even a fraction as much as You do. I pray for her test results Father, that your will be done, but that you spare her.

I wrote this following a great weekend with all our girls, but one that was difficult for me personally. I had to come home to Indiana, while everyone else stayed in Appleton. It was hard leaving, not knowing what the outcome would be for Candi. My friend was waiting to hear results from medical tests she'd had. It's never easy waiting when the results could be difficult to hear.  We prayed a lot, and cried a lot that weekend. I've thought about our friendship through the years, all the fun, the "stuff" we've been through together, and "stuff" that almost drove us apart. When I felt most abandoned by God, it was Amy and Candi that reminded me that He was there, even if I couldn't see it at the time. When it would have been easy for my friends to abandon me, they didn't. Through life's toughest struggles to be real, we find people willing to be real right back.

One simple post is not near enough to share what these friends mean to me- what all my friends mean to me.  I think about Candi's family leaving for Romania next week, and I offer praises for health, and pray that they're safe and able to share the light of Life.