Let Me Tell you About Our Mom
Pamela Jean (Buckley) Wolf
December 1, 1948—January 3, 2012
Words can’t describe who she was in entirety. She was the second oldest of 5 siblings, growing up in Monona. She was her mother’s daughter, and what a compliment that was—strong, stubborn, a leader, with a smile never to forget. I remember stories she told of walking to Frost Woods beach in the summer, and camping in the northwoods. She liked reading, the outdoors and enjoyed the company of family and friends. After high school, she went to UW-Platteville, and later worked for the Veteran’s Hospital, Super Sweet feed company, Wick Homes, and Lands’ End (who could ever forget a Lands’ End Christmas). But most importantly, she fell in love with our dad, Fred. Susan tells about Grandpa Buckley yelling to Grandma when they first saw Dad, “Look what she brought home this time!” Buck and Dorothy soon fell in love with him too. It was easy to see where she got her servant heart, and her love of people. The family they would build, would be like the one she grew out of—full of love, full of fun, and always full of food and friends. When people talk of joyful noise, it came from these lives woven together.
Mom and Dad loved each other, never argued or yelled, and taught us how to love and how to be married. Their wedding was the beginning of an amazing, full 43 years of marriage. She was a wife first, mother and then grandmother—she was the most wonderful grandma!
Her early years after getting married were full, learning about farm life, and growing her family. Mom was active, gardening-she had over an acre long garden each year, and fed calves and kids. I remember as a kid, mom feeding calves, us in our snow suits and moon boots, with Bobby blanketed in a laundry basket in the calf shed. She loved her kids- Lenny, Sudsie, CC and Boo. Her little Boo-- the youngest-- and her last boy. Never wanting him to miss out, Bobby sat in the middle of the dining room table at meals in his carseat. Not because he didn’t have a chair, but because that’s where he liked to be. She loved her nieces and nephews like they were her own kids, stood by them through struggles. She was their Aunt Pammy. Forever loved as their Aunt Pammy. And mom played softball. She was quite a player. What a role model she was for what is possible.
Never missing a beat, like she was raised on a farm, this city girl lived as a farmer’s wife. It wasn’t always fun, as farming is full of risk and things beyond control, but she was with my dad and that was all that mattered. They dealt with high interest rates, drought, low milk checks, sick cows and payments not fulfilled. But my mom, the business end of the partnership did not waiver. She brought them through and knew everything- had phone numbers, medical, vet and bank information memorized. Her memory was amazing, she could tell you, or find, any information you needed within seconds. Mom shouldered the burden, the stress with grace. She kept detailed records and could tell you the name of each animal on the farm and pedigrees going back 3 generations. She was proud to be a farm wife. She fed those who came and sought out those who didn’t. She fed them when they were hungry, and when they weren’t. I remember bringing my dad lunch, and then dinner on the tractor. I can still see her sitting on the fender of the AC 1-80 having lunch in the field with my dad.
My mom was the most generous person I’ve ever met. She would give more than needed, and was always willing to listen. As kids, we visited with people others wouldn’t. She took food to an elderly couple several times a year as long as I can remember- boxes of it. Because they needed it, she said, and when she saw a need she filled it. Like when we used to pick up another couple, taking them to Sauk City to buy groceries so they didn’t have to walk the 15 miles round trip. You see they didn’t have a car. And she knew that. She was special. Mom was brave. She was willing to truly know people and accepted them for who they were, not judging them. If only we could be more like her.
As we all got older, she was a 4-H leader and chauffer always headed in 4 different directions at once. Somehow we managed to get picked up from any number of sports activities, have dinner and work on projects for the fair. I don’t know that we really thought about where the food came from “T-bones again?”- that was dinner on the farm; and I know I didn’t think about what a miracle it was to be in as many places at a time as she had to be. But mom made it all happen, all the time. She made it all happen.
She loved sports- watching the Badgers play football, tailgaiting at Lot 60, watching her kids play football, basketball, baseball and track. And she really loved “Away” Badger football games- including the epic Indiana trek with the Buckley’s, Bultman’s, Beuthin’s and Esser’s. This was their chance to get away once a year, and they did! Their Badger treks took them to Indiana, Minnesota, Illinois, Iowa (which they’d never go back to), Florida, California, Washington and Oregon. She loved Oregon and the company on their trip. What great memories she built as she lived!
She loved camping. Actually, I never really knew if it was the camping- outdoors in a tent—or spending uninterrupted time with her family and friends that she liked most. She was a player, cards that is, and Scrabble and Monopoly. Boy she was a good Scrabble player. We camped a lot as kids, partly because that’s what she did as a kid, and partly because it was one of the only vacations you could take with 4 wild kids and still be close enough to home to milk cows twice a day. But we wouldn’t change that for anything. She was the glue that held us all together. When we started camping at Mirror Lake about 5 years ago, she decided it was time to get air mattresses. Finally.
Our mom loved music and singing. I have memories of my parents singing Handel’s Messiah at Christmas, my mom was the Soprano, and my dad, well as we say, his voice was lower than the table. They made a great pair, and sang beautifully, in part because they were so happy together in that moment. She enjoyed singing carols at Christmas and talking with her family at Grandpa’s bar downstairs. She acted in musicals and had a flair for the dramatic. She always liked music and had the oldies playing most of the time. Her music boxes and snow globes are a reminder of her love of music and pretty things.
She made a home filled with love, with grandkids, and with hope. When things were hard, she made it easier. When someone needed love, she gave it. Her soulmate, our dad, was the love of her life. Her kids always held a special place in her heart, but her grandkids! Boy, did she love on her grandkids! From the littlest of gifts to make them smile, cards for every occasion (always signed with X’s and O’s- hugs and kisses), vacations, visits to the library, and Sunday Tuesday. It was the big things, and the little things she did to make everyone feel special. My mom had a way of getting after her kids and theirs—how anyone can be so angry and show so much love is a talent shared only with her mother. But she loved them like crazy. Her world was her family and friends.
It wasn’t until her kids were grown that she could be a kid again. Walt Disney World was her favorite destination, with or without the grandkids. She had great company- Frank, Pat and Kids, her kids and grandkids, and her favorite company of all—our dad. They were like two kids at Disney and both enjoyed Epcot the most. We’ll never forget, or regret the time we spent together- all together—on a last family trip to Florida. She built a storehouse of memories, brick by brick, moment by moment. With each smile, you knew you were loved beyond measure.
Our mom had a heart for those forgotten; she loved well, and gave with no expectation for receiving in return. Her life was a testament to generosity, appreciating people and enjoying the little things in life that give breadth to your years. She would not want us to grieve too long and remember only good days, great memories and love she poured into us. And she would want us to always have extra potatoes—because you never know when a friend will stop by for dinner. She’d want us to throw a potato on for whoever walks through the door.
With much love Mommy. We will miss you. We will never forget you.
Your daughter, Sudsie
